5 Things you need to remember if you’ve been ghosted
Ghosting is one of the most painful, cruel ways to say goodbye. When you’re ghosted, your “love” interest cuts all communication with you, and *poof* disappears into thin air. You get no closure, and you are left with so many questions, uncertainty, and sometimes even a dip in self-worth. It’s rejection without an explanation, and can cause a whole lot of psychological distress.
Was the sex bad, or are they just busy? Did they meet someone else? Are they even alive, or did something happened to them? And eventually, self-doubt creeps in strong –did I do something wrong? There must be something unlikeable about me…
Here are 5 things you need to know about ghosting, before you let it destroy your self-esteem.
1. It’s not you, it’s them
Please, please, please know that ghosting speaks a lot about them, and not you at all. (unless you had been nasty with them and not in a sexy way). Ghosting is a selfish act, and is often done by people who are avoiders and runners. They have no courage to come out clean or say how they feel/what they want, and so take the easiest exit route. Even if there was something that they didn’t enjoy about that last date (and that’s okay, not everyone likes wine, even if it was the most expensive of the lot), you deserve to know. So, don’t ever question your worthiness based on someone else’s actions. Get out there and dare to find intimacy again.
2. You aren’t the only one, it’s a trend
To continue with the first point, ghosting doesn’t speak about you. It’s, unfortunately, now a very common trend. One of the reasons for this is that it’s much easier to ditch someone you met via an app – a common platform to meet a potential sexual/life partner in today’s world. You have no common friends, you don’t know much about them, and there’s no way you can find them even if they disappeared on you. There are no consequences, basically. That is one of the disadvantages of dating in the digital age, that ghosters take advantage of, so much that it’s now part of popular culture. It’s easier to cut communication than to explain or give reasons to “break up”. Of course, people in relationships can also ghost their partner, which is even worse.
3. He might actually even like you
Ghosting doesn’t always mean that they don’t like you. Sometimes, in fact, it could mean that they really like you, and that scares them. Not knowing how to deal with all these emotions can be overwhelming for certain people that are not equipped for it. They might have commitment phobia. Or it could be that they just don’t know what to do now. None of these are valid reasons to ghost someone, or to let them off the hook, of course.
4. You just dodged a bullet
Congratulations! You just avoided someone with no relationship skills, commitment issues, communication problems, and lack of accountability! Moreover, you just made space for someone who is willing to treat you well, or, for yourself. If he’s ghosting you, he isn’t your boo!
5. Send a text and get your closure
The big question is, what should you do? Should you reach out? Should you check on them to see if they’re ok? Should you send a stinker text? Well, if you really don’t know what happened, it would be a good idea to check with them through a text. Or, if you’ve done that already, and several times maybe, it’s definitely a good idea to message them and tell them exactly how this behavior has made you feel, not to reconnect with them (do they even deserve that if they’ve ignored you despite the effort made from your side?) but for you to have some sort of closure. It’s never good to bury all these emotions inside you, so get it out and get moving!
All in all, being ghosted can make you feel powerless. The inability to emotionally process the situation and lack of opportunity to express your emotions can do a lot of damage. Let’s call it out for what it is: A passive-aggressive move, and disrespectful behavior. Let’s not normalize ghosting!
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