Five Tips on How To Open Up About Your Sexual Fantasies

Jul 15, 2021
Five Tips on How To Open Up About Your Sexual Fantasies

You may not think of yourself as particularly kinky when it comes to sex, but we bet there’s at least one sexual fantasy hanging out rent-free in your brain. From bondage, to sex toys, to role play, sharing your fantasies can either renew a long-standing relationship or bring even more excitement to a new one.

But sex fetishes and fantasies can still be taboo. We invite you to let go of any embarrassment or fear - it’s completely normal to have sexual desires that are outside of the box. Here are some helpful pointers on how you can safely share them with your partner.   

Be Present

Before opening up to someone else, it’s important that you feel ready. This includes having everything crystal clear in your mind. For most people, communicating about sex fantasies is not an everyday conversation, so it’s possible that your partner will have some questions. Stay present, stay clear, and give them your full attention. 

Get Comfortable

Choosing a relaxed setting, such as taking a bath together or snuggling on the sofa, will help settle any nerves (yours, theirs, both) and avoid triggers. Keep things as fun and flirty as possible - this is not you saying you’re dissatisfied with your sex life as a couple - and remember to be inclusive when describing sexy scenarios.  

Don’t Make It All About You

If your partner doesn’t open up that easily, you can always ask them questions to get them involved in this sex communication. You could prepare by doing some research on the most common sexual fantasies. But remember, there are endless possibilities when it comes to what turns us on, so remember to…

Be Open-Minded

Stay positive and don’t be judgy, which could lead to hurt feelings or your partner feeling vulnerable.

Turn It Into A Game

For example, you both write down your top three sexual fantasies and place them in a bowl. You then take turns to pick one and read it out loud. This could lead to further discussion or exploration - or it could turn you both on and lead to acting it out, right there and then. 

Be Realistic with Expectations

Maybe some of your sexual fantasies will stay that way, instead of being acted out IRL - and that’s ok. As sex and relationship therapist Miranda Christophers points out: “Many people like to keep them just as a fantasy but sharing it with your partner and possibly talking about it erotically during sex can really spice things up.” Everyone’s a winner baby!

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