1. First Time = First Penetration (by or with a penis)
You see it in movies, hear it in songs, read about it in books. ‘The First Time’ always involves a penis and a vagina. This is the hetero normative narrative talking, the idea that sex between a cis man and a cis woman is ‘real’ sex, and it’s no. You decide when you have had your first experience, penetration or not.
2. You can’t lose your virginity.
This is TRUE.
Where would it have gone? A doctor can’t tell if you’ve had sex or not, because virginity is a social construct. One that’s trying to keep its claws stuck in the dated view that your integrity and sex life are somehow connected. So next time you hear yourself asking ‘Have you lost your virginity?’ maybe try ‘Have you started having sex?’, ‘Have you had your debut?’ or an all-time favourite ‘Have you ever rolled around in the hay?’ or just don’t ask. Is it that important to know? Wouldn’t it be great if we stopped focusing on whether someone’s banged, and instead poured that energy into making sure sex feels bangin’? Just a thought.