Why You’re Not Always Wet When Turned On

Jul 15, 2021
Why You’re Not Always Wet When Turned On

If you’re reading this and have a vagina then you’re probably already aware that the wetter you are, the better the sex. But sometimes, a vagina doesn’t create enough lubrication by itself and this can cause a few headaches - real, not fake - when it comes to sex as a couple.

There’s a scientific name for when you’re not wet but turned on - or vice versa - and it’s called “arousal non-concordance.” According to Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist: “There’s a 10% overlap in what women’s genitals find sexually relevant and what her brain finds sexually appealing.”

Before we go into more detail, it’s important to remember that vaginal wetness is subjective. Perhaps it is only a cause for concern when compared to another person’s vaginal wetness - but remember that we’re not all the same so a dry vagina does not automatically signal that there’s an issue in our relationship or with attraction.

Here are some common culprits for vaginal dryness:

You’re feeling stressed: Life can be overwhelming at certain periods, which can lead to being less present in the bedroom. One solution is to stop thinking you have to jump from whatever you’re doing to sex - instead you can dedicate time to setting a sexy mood and then get yourself in the mood!

You’re on medication: Several medications have the inconvenient side-effect of making an impossible feat out of getting wet. This includes low-dose birth control pills, which contain small amounts of estrogen, a key hormone in lubricating the vagina. The best solution is to make an appointment with your doctor and talk through better options

You’ve not found the right lube: certain oil-based lubricants can actually have the reverse effect of what they claim to do. If you find yourself in this situation, try a new one!

You have a yeast infection: these lovely infections disrupt the flora balance of the vagina, leading to potential dry sex. Consult your doctor for treatment options.

You’re not making enough time for foreplay: There are so many solutions to this one - feel free to try just one or all of them. Watch a sexy movie, put on your sexiest playlist, buy yourself some fancy lingerie or read some erotica. Get your partner involved and enjoy watching their arousal.

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